Now that the season of giving is upon us, I find myself hearing from my clients, especially those with young children, about the stress and anxiety of receiving gifts. Many feel the burden of receiving so many toys for their children, when they feel inundated with the toys they already have that stay scattered throughout the playroom. The thought of adding more to this mix is enough to stress any parent out!
There’s much we could unpack in these conversations I’ve been having with clients: the downside of “abundance”, stress on our children from living in clutter, decision-fatigue in the face of too many options for play, regret about the amount of plastic used to make these toys, guilt about wishing gift-givers (looking at you, grandparents!) didn’t want to show their love through additional toys.
Giving and receiving gifts with our most important people is a way to communicate love and gratitude for one another. While we might be grateful that someone thought of us, we may also feel a sense of regret or burden when receiving a gift we don’t actually want or need. It’s important to recognize that we can feel both grateful and burdened at the same time. What most interests me about this dilemma is the opportunity it presents to grow our relationships.
There are two layers to this opportunity. One, the conversation. Two, the clutter-free gift options. I’ll talk about both, ending on a high note with some experience-based gift ideas for both kids and adults, to use in your own gift shopping or to pass on as alternatives to the gift-givers in your life.
But first, we have to talk about talking. Relationships are built on communication. Behavior will not change without first communicating our feelings or needs about that behavior. If we never share our need for clutter-free gifts, then that need will never have a chance to be met. When we fail to share our needs and feelings with those around us, this creates what I’m now calling “emotional clutter”: feelings of resentment, dismay, guilt, shame, etc. which continue to build year after year, gift after gift. These building feelings rob us of the joy that this season is all about.
If your parents giving an abundance of appreciated, but seriously clutter-causing gifts to your children is creating overwhelm for both you and your kids, it may be a good time to share that with them! Telling your friends and family that you would like to change your gift-giving and receiving habits might not feel like an easy thing to do, but it is an authentic conversation worth having.
Much like we say in workplaces to never bring up a problem without also offering a solution, share your feelings with the gift-givers in your life and offer alternative experience-based or consumable gifts that won’t become clutter. You can also offer specific gifts that you have identified a need for our that you know your child has expressed a want for, taking out the guess work for the gift-giver.
Shared experience gifts are my particular favorite gift alternative, as they are opportunities for the gift giver and receiver to experience something together and deepen their relationships. Will your son cherish another Lego set from his grandfather longer, or the afternoon spent ice skating together? Experience gifts give people the opportunity to spend time together enjoying each other’s company and to learn more about each other. If you have very young children in their first couple years of life, experience gifts might not seem very memorable for the gift receiver, your child. Experiences at this age can be geared more toward early relationship building integrating grandparents into the child’s life and yours. The gift could even be babysitting so they get time with their grandchild and give you time for yourself or with your partner. Experiences can also be geared more toward visual moments, like seeing Christmas lights at a zoo, park, downtown, etc. The child can laugh and smile at a new visual delight, the grandparents can enjoy introducing the child to this new experience, and the photos will be memories forever.
Clutter-Free Gift Ideas
Kids/General:
Trampoline park
Arcade/amusement center
Ice-skating
Laser tag
Escape room
Hot air ballon ride
Museum visit
A special meal or dessert out (their favorite restaurant or ice cream shop)
Trip to the butterfly conservatory
A train ride at Pullen Park or similar kid-friendly park local to you
Movie tickets
Teaching them a new skill, sport, or hobby
ADULTS:
A meal together at their favorite restaurant
Wine-tasting
Brewery tour
Tickets to a sports game
Museum passes
Concert tickets
Craft class in-person or online
Cooking lessons
Boutique exercise (yoga, barre, pilates, spin) studio passes or membership
Movie tickets
Arcade/amusement center
A year of streaming services
Comedy show
Theatre tickets
Dance lessons
Massage
Facial
Manicure/Pedicure
Entire spa day (my personal choice)
Offer help around the house: babysitting, yardwork, stocking the freezer with dinners, running some errands - anything to lighten the mental load